• Anavi

Inviting abundance into your life

Actualizado: 29 de abr de 2020

Back in 2004, when I was living in a no more than 6 sq. m room, I couldn’t have imagined sitting here today. Of course this transformation didn’t happen overnight. There were many other stops on the way till here. The attic, where my back-then-boyfriend could only stand up straight in the middle of the room. The studio apartment where my still-back-then-boyfriend had to wait to come home till I finished the private English lessons, so he wouldn’t disturb my students. The two bedroom flat that had such old windows the icy cold air would come in through in winter.

Now I am sitting in this big flat, so big it feels like an art gallery. There is so much light coming in through the tall windows, sometimes you have to wonder if it’s really winter. You can lay down on the floor for Savasana and the underfloor heating turns into an extra blanket. I prepare meals while looking at my child playing around, because all the space is open and in a way, life turns into play.

How did I get here? I am not asking for the facts. I know how we got here. It was a lot of work and effort. But there is more to it. I don’t want to call it karma, because I don’t want to equate karma simply with wealth. The real question that I am asking myself is rather, why did I get here, and not so many others? Just like someone who is going through a rough patch and feels like all the misfortune in the world is directed at them: 'Why me?' I really have to ask myself for the opposite reasons. Why me?

There are more questions behind this one. Do I deserve this? Have I done enough good in this life to get here? Am I personifying the evils of this capitalistic world? There are as many answers to these questions as there are opinions out there, but only one thing matters to me. What is it that I feel personally about this whole new life chapter? And, what am I learning from the fact that I do see myself living in this dreamy apartment? I don’t know if everyone who is this fortunate has the same uncomfortable questions, but I can’t deny the fact that they are here for a reason. There is some introspection to do.

It may sound strange, but we can have trouble allowing ourselves receive. Have you ever heard someone talk about how they keep relationships at arm’s length, because they are scared of love? They would say they are very comfortable giving love, but not getting it back. Or another example, some people are always happy to give help, but they have no idea how to ask for it when they need it (I know, work in progress!) What about someone who gives absolutely everything at work, but will never have the guts to stand up for themselves when they want something back? Does any of these situations sound familiar? Then maybe you can now better picture what I am talking about.

The fact is, we have to learn how to receive. Not allowing youself be in the receiving end has some very sad connotations: I am not good enough for this, people are going to think I am not the same as before and will stop liking me, I have sold my soul… Seriously, are we ever so hard with others as we are with ourselves? Instead, I am working on the following uplifting thoughts: I am grateful for this life, I invite abundance and welcome it sincerely, I am not ashamed of my fortune, I make decisions with my heart, I avoid drama and focus on the positive.

The funny part is, the very day we were moving here, a song got into my head and I was repeating the words as we were waiting for the moving company to finish in our old flat. The lyrics said:

I am blessed, I am grateful and I live in abundance

I had not listened to this song in quite a while and I started humming it out of the blue. When I realized, I stopped and I felt such a warm rush in my heart, tears almost came to eyes. No, I am not sad about leaving, I am so incredibly grateful to be so blessed in this life. The stars have aligned and are guiding me home. Thank you, thank you, universe!

[back to reflections or home]

#introspection #english

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